The First Steps…

Many people are not really sure how to start changing things in their life, and the reality is we often have a few things to do first. In fact, most of us have things we haven’t properly dealt with from our past, or may be holding on to circumstances (or people) that we know are not good for us.

Given that it is not always possible to get to a therapist, or someone similar, we need other options to start us off.

  1. Prepare to be your own rescuer. Others may help, but we usually have to do the hard stuff ourselves.
  2. If you have medical stuff that you have not dealt with – go and sort it out. Same goes for serious mental health concerns and addictions. If you need extra help please ask. It show strength to admit what is really going for us – not weakness.
  3. Identify the people who are going to help you. It might be an old friend, an aunt you haven’t seen in a while, your partner or even an online community – anyone. Crucially though, they need to be stable and secure in their lives in order to be able to support you well.
  4. Be realistic. It is not possible to change everything at once. Identify the most important things that need to change now. Start with safety. Are you safe at the moment? mentally and physically? Don’t worry about the smaller stuff right now. The small things often get better when the big things have been dealt with.
  5. Start thinking about the things that make you feel good – the healthy things. Do you like music, sports, baking? These things are going to help you move forward because are good for you. More on this later.


Don’t forget – every situation can be tweaked. It may take something quite small to make you happier, or it might be a huge change. Either way, you can make it happen. 

So what’s this all about?

Most of us have heard the phrase “just build a bridge and get over it” when we have complained to someone about things that are not going well in our life. To be honest, that is a pretty unsympathetic way of responding – but not without a measure of truth.

Without sounding cliched, life is a series of inter-twining journeys – our childhood, teenage years, parenting, work experiences, major relationships etc. At times things get complicated, difficult and even hopeless….. to the point where we can not see a way out.

Some people carry long term trauma which never really leaves. Others have survived difficult circumstances or live with mental health issues of varying degrees. We all have times where we can imagine a better, happier future but just cannot see how to get there.

A bridge is a way of getting from one place to another, one circumstance to another. As a therapist I use strength building conversations to help someone build their bridge to a happier life and take a step on to it. Now this may take a while. Sometimes our trauma has been so great that it never goes away entirely – instead we find a way to manage and build a bridge around it.

To help someone get to a better place in life is an amazing thing. I am not perfect, I have my own challenges just like anyone else. This blog is designed for me and you, and everyone. To support, encourage and be honest about moving forward in life. There is often no ‘quick fix’ solution, but things can always change.

Feel free to comment and get involved. We often need a community around us to really make things better.

Oh, and if you see a few links around the place, they are solely there to help support the costs of this blog, don’t feel pressured to click them 🙂



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